Getting Better
by Pekenota14
Summary: John was a man who constantly needed to be reminded that he was loved… Julian reminded him of what is love.


**I'm not quite sure what I'll be doing with this fanfiction, but your reviews will be certainly needed.**

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Another fight was on between John and Cynthia, and little Julian was on his bed, lying down, awake, listening to them yelling. He was too young to understand those kinds of things, but he did already. Just when he thought that the happy times were coming and everything seemed good between him and Daddy, something bad would happen all over again.

And then he'd always look for Uncle Macca. As a replacer for a father role, as a friend to be with. But he wasn't and would never be Daddy… Julian loves the times he's with Paul, but he just wished he'd have a bit of time with his Daddy. He understands he has too much work, but he's smart enough to understand what being 'an unwanted' child means.

"He came out of a whiskey bottle on a Saturday night…" John some many times yelled it at Cynthia. He doesn't understand what it means, but he knows it means he wasn't planned to be born. Cynthia would fight back, reminding John of his words when Julian was born… "He's bloody marvelous, Cyn! ... Who's gonna be a famous rocker like his Dad then?"

At this point, John had already broken up. He'd hush and walk out of the division, looking for refuge on a bottle. He'd remember that tiny little kid being put in his arms. He'd think of how much Julian looked and still looks like him. He can't put into words the happiness of holding his son… that little and marvelous part of him, that fragile and love-needy human being that he created. Sometimes he'd forget of how much he loves Cyn and Julian.

Julian jumped off bed. Innocently he peered to his parents' bedroom, and Cynthia was sleeping, lying down over the bed with swollen and red eyes because of the excessive crying. He showed up quietly in the living room, not even making a noise until John would notice him, standing there.

"What are you doin' here? If you can't sleep, go sleep with your mother." John spoke cruelly.

"Me gonna ask a stork to wrap me in a blanket and take me back."

"Back to where? Where do you wanna go?"

"Away from here…" Julian said on a whisper, sniffling the tears.

John got up, put the bottle over the coffee table and walked to him. "Why do you wanna go away? You don't like it here?"

"You're not home…"

"You know very well that my work occupies much of my time."

"Uncle Paul works with you and he has time to play with me. But you don't…" John raised his hand, he was about to slap his own son, but his hand shook and he stopped. He'd never do that to him. "I don't like it here…"

"Why don't you like it here? Don't you have everything you want?"

"I don't have me Daddy…" Julian looked at him with tears rushing down his face. "I miss me Daddy…"

John's legs weakened and he fell on his knees before his son. Julian was crying uncontrollably, and John was feeling his heart being ripped to pieces. Those words and his cry made John lose all his strengths.

"Julian…?" John said in a low voice. "My baby? Daddy's here…" John removed the glasses, starting to cry as well. "Come here, my baby."

Julian threw himself over John, holding tight to his neck, still crying. John was so confused, thinking he may be bipolar. But he knew he was this confused and insecure because of his crappy childhood. He never knew what love in its full word meant. John was a man who constantly needed to be reminded that he was loved…

He had conscious in moments like those that he's a cheater and a crappy father, but he didn't believe himself capable of leaving his son behind like his parents did to him.

"Baby, Daddy will take you bed and will sing you a lullaby, okay?"

"And you stay with me?" Julian asked between sobs.

"Yes, Daddy will stay there with you until the sun comes up tomorrow."

John carried Julian in his arms to his bedroom and lied him down on bed carefully. He ducked near him, holding his little hand while singing the lullaby he had written for him, "Goodnight".

Julian lied on his side, sweetly staring at his face listening to him singing. He was looking at the only man he considers to be his Daddy, his hero. Sleepily he placed his hand on John's face and told him.

"Love you, Daddy…"

John grabbed Julian's hand carefully, saying. "Love you too, my baby. Now, sleep tight. Daddy ain't leaving."

John didn't sleep the whole night, standing in the same ducked position for all those hours, watching his baby sleeping.


End file.
